Selfie

It has taken me two years to finally get up the courage (and the non laziness) to create a blog from which I would actually post in. However, I promised myself that this blog will not be narrowed down to be about just one topic like family or vacations, or movies and music, or ranting and complaining, food, fecal matter, and all other typical topics. Instead, it will be about whatever the hell I want it to be about. Any subject I feel I want to bitch or rave about at the moment will be a part of this blog. From movie reviews to political topics to meeeting famous celebs (which weirdly enough I seem to meet alot of) to my family and friends. It will all be mangled up into one crazy cat lady rant. So buckle up and hold on for the most random ADD blog feed you have ever read in your entire life! And also I would like to apologize for my horrible formatting and grammar. I only have an Associate's Dregree from a community college what did you expect? With that being said I feel inclined to talk about selfies.
For those of you that don't know what a "selfie" is, it is basically a close up picture that is usually taken with a smart phone of yourself usually in a really obvious normal place like a bathroom or a bedroom or a swimming pool or a kitchen or an amusement park. I myself have only taken two "selfies" and posted them before. One when I got a new hair cut and I wanted to see what it looked like and thought I actually looked half decent with it so in a spur-of-the- moment thing, I posted it on facebook and instagram. One of two things happened. One person liked it, and my sister called me and told me I looked like my crazy aunt in the picture. Well, there went that dream of becoming fond of selfies. The second picture was when I had lost some weight and I wanted to see what I looked like with a new dress on for my Valentine's Date with my husband. It went something like this: Click turn, bad angle, click pout lips, I look fat, click, suck in, I look tired, click smirk, I look like my crazy aunt. No post. So I've come to the conclusion I hate selfies. I tried it. Never turned out right. In a way I find selfies very humorous. No one pouts their lips like that in real life. ( apologies to my friends that take dozens of selfies ahead of time for I am about to rip you somewhat apart)
The internet is an incredible thing. You can find someone on Facebook that you went to high school with, go through all of their pictures like a mini stalker, find out they have not changed a bit since high school and in fact, somehow they look better then ever. Then I run into them at a movie theater or in my case a high school reunion and realize the picture or pictures on their profile are a complete scam. I am almost positive it took them at least two hours to post the damn selfie because they were busy finding the right angle and lighting to make themselves look perfect. I just have one question for all you selfie-ers out there, where do you find the time? Are you laying in bed at the end of a long day looking at yourself in the mirror saying I look hot right now, I'm going to post a selfie of myself on facebook for all of my friends and old crushes to see. Alone. With no friends, kids, husband, or dog around to be in the picture with you. How pretensious is that? There have been times when I see my friends (most of whom are ironically enough married with kids) that post these "hot come hither" facebook selfies at 2AM while they are lying in bed. What the fuck are you doing? 2AM? Really? Is your husband or significant other taking the pic? Is it that important that you have to go get your phone,fix your hair so it's somewhat saying your "Hey WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD, I just had satisfying sex and I need to take a pic to finish!" , and then, pout your lips and give a gaze into the camera at an "artsy angle" to make it look like it's completely normal for you to be doing that at two in the morning. Let me tell you something, It's completely not normal! In fact,it looks like desperation or like you need attention. I even hate it when friends ask me to be in close up pictures with them taken with a smart phone. I hate seeing it on other people's facebook, why on earth would people want to see that? Don't get me wrong, I like looking ast people's pictures of their kids and their nights out on the town and their vacations and so on, but I am so sick of seeing people's akward, unrealistic smartphone shots of themselves in the bathroom of a Chucky Cheese. I do have to say though, when friends are drunk, I give them a free pass to the selfie world because they know not what they do.In the morning however, I hope you realize you look like an idiot. Sure, an occasional pic here and there with you wearing mickey ears at Disneyland in front of Splash Mountain is fine, or hey, I just had a baby here is a pic of him and I! But every week, trying to look like a cover girl model or posting a naked picture of yourself, gross. Stop it! Maybe I am jealous that people can find that amount of time alone without being interrupted to take a "perfect" pic of themselves and post it with out having children screaming every five seconds, "Mommy, why do you keep taking pictures of yourself?" I would rather see ten pictures of your cat every day then see one selfie a month. As much as I hate selfies, I enjoy reading the comments after because you know the selfie taker bathes in the compliments. For instance,some random chic from high school might say, "You look sexy in this pic! Have you lost weight?" Or the random creepy guy you met at work and forced you to be friends with him on fb because if you didn't it would be akward every day at work usually says something like "Growl I'm into that, wanna go get a coffee tomorrow?" Or your creepy uncle who never leaves the basement says "Wow you are definately an adult now." Or there is always some creepy random person that you havent talked to in ten years but somehow becomes your friend on fb and says something like: "Damn girl you hella fine. Your husband is a lucky man". Either way, Selfies are a no go for me. And a bit annoying to view when my friends that I thought were normal turn out to be selfie takers. Not that there is anything wrong with taking a random sexy, unrealistic picture of yourself in your bedroom while your husband is downstairs working on a project and your children are playing in the other room for the whole world to see. Just sayin.