Alcoholic

alcoholic
noun : a person who frequently drinks too much alcohol and is unable to live a normal and healthy life : a person who is affected with alcoholism

There are many different kinds of music that talk about and glorify partying and drinking as if it was cool to do it everyday all day. There's the country song that talks about drinking your sorrows away, the rock song about meeting the crazy hot girl at a party and having a drink with her, then there is the hip hop/ rap song that continually brags about what kind of liquor bottle they're having for the evening (mostly high end shit no one can afford) and how drunk they get while drinking said liquor bottle, either way, we are no strangers to how glorifying alcohol can be. Don't get me wrong, rap music is one of my favorite types of music, because just like alcohol, you can listen to it and get lost in the beat of the song and forget about your troubles for a short while. But yes it's true, alcohol, has and always will be a valued substance that aides in helping you let go of what you don't want to deal with or think about. But when is it too much? I think we all question this topic. I ask this question because I know so many people that take it too far and still think they're fine and it's totally normal to drink a bottle of vodka a day. There is no problem with that. I'm sure you are probably wondering why I chose to write a blog on the topic of alcohol at all and well, I am kind of wondering this myself actually. But what the hell. I think it's important to speak and write with passion, and this is something I have always wondered about because I honestly don't know a whole lot about it. All I know is that if taken too far, alcohol can destroy and devastate human beings. I am going to start off the post by telling anyone reading this that I have only gotten drunk a total of one time. I am not trying to brag about my non-drinking ways, I am just simply stating that I am not the perfect judge of what it means to be freed by alcohol. I have tried different drinks here and there, but alcohol has never really appealed to me. I have many friends and family who drink for fun, or drink to feel good and let go for a night, but then there are those friends and family members who have a problem. So I feel like maybe writing about it will help me clear what has been on my mind for a while. Side note: for those of you that don't believe alcoholism is a real disease I feel sorry for you, because, it is a very real disease and now more then ever, I think people need to realize it.
When I was nine years old, my uncle my Mom's older brother died of an alcohol and drug cocktail. I am assuming you get what I mean when I say alcohol and drug cocktail right? No need to elaborate. He was 41 years old and left behind three children. One of which was just two years old. I remember sitting at his funeral when I was nine and seeing the looks on my cousin's faces. I will never forget how sad and lost they looked. And I remember not really comprehending what effect this would have on my family long term. I just remember my Mom having random sobs and break downs for a long time after. Their sadness turned into anger later on and I will never forget how angry they were and still are at him. It's been years and I still sense the anger and hurt every time someone brings him up at a dinner or family event. My cousins will never have their Dad. I remember bitching at some point to my cousin about my Dad and I remember her saying something to me like "At least you have a Dad. You have no idea what it's like to lose your Dad and you will never understand." That is really when I really started to understand the effects of alcoholism.
I use my uncle as an extreme example, however, my family and I are no strangers to being witnesses of what alcohol can do to people's lives. I talk about my uncle to my mom now and in hindsight, I still think she is just so furious at him for leaving his family behind. My dad and I always joke about when my mom gets up to heaven the first thing she is going to do is find her brother and smack him across the face for leaving her family with this heartbreak. My grandma use to refuse to go to movies for a long time since my uncle passed away because it would make her stop her life, and sit down and think. I can't even imagine losing a child. Has to be the worst possible thing in the world. Let alone losing a child to substance abuse. Something which at the beginning, could have been preventable. My grandma always tells me "He was addicted with the first drink". I'm sure we all know someone who has lost a loved one due to alcoholism. And it's funny how lightly we take the subject. "Oh yeah, he was an alcoholic, so it was just a matter of time." But what is the definition of an alcoholic? Someone who cannot stop right? You always here too much of anything can kill you. Everything in moderation. But if we know how dangerous this drug can be (Yes everyone, if you did not know, alcohol is considered a drug) then why do we still do it to ourselves? There is the argument that it helps calm you down, but there are a lot of things that help calm you down. Go for a hike, watch a great show, call a friend. I don't know, I am a total skeptic about this subject.
I have always been the outsider looking in. I was and always have been the one at parties who has the privilege of watching people having the time of their lives and making a complete ass of themselves while indulging in what we call "Gettin' crunk or fucked up!" It's humorous for a while when everyone is touching and dancing and laughing loudly, but then I have to ask myself, is this it? Is this how people get to the point where they can actually feel pure enjoyment in their lives? Are we so far gone sad and depressed about our day to day lives that we have to rely on substance to make us feel good and human again? Or is there more to life then numbing one's self? Please don't feel as though I am criticizing you that is not my intent because believe me, I have my fair share of using some form of substance to feel alive. (Ehem coffee and Diet Coke for starters) but if we know the effect it can have on people's lives if taken too far, then why do we even indulge in alcohol? Why even have the first drink? I am honestly asking because I don't understand. When we drink alcohol some people think we become the best/fun versions of our selves because we let go of every set back. We forget everything, throw caution to the wind, and let loose. There are many friends of mine with whom I don't know their real personalities when they are not drunk, in fact, I cannot even tell if they are drunk or sober. I recently went to a party where I watched one of my best friends go from high to low in an hour, and I remember staring at her at her lowest, throw up all over her and sobbing about her kid she might lose in an up coming custody battle, and I remember thinking "Is this what you wanted for your party you worked so hard on? To be drunk and throwing up in bed not able to move and spouting out ridiculous things that make no sense while everyone is around you? watching?" To me, that is no party. That is a nightmare. But what I wonder is, do we drink because it helps us to see reality for what it is? Does it just numb the pain that comes with the reality? When I stared at her sobbing and really listened to what she was saying, I realized this was what I had been wanting to hear from her for a long time. This was the reaction I was looking for about her son being taken away. It was like when alcohol got in her system, she could finally face what she had been pushing away. But as I watched her more, it broke my heart. She seemed so lost.
A temporary high really. But is it worth risking? A lot of close friends and family tell me they have a glass or two of wine with dinner every night and I ask why? Their reply is always "It calms me." or "I like the taste." When I hear this from my family especially I always reply (hopefully in a non judge mental fashion) "yeah but if you know you have alcoholism in your family, is it worth the risk?" Then they usually get pissed and that's the end. But really though, is it worth it? Worth risking your control over your life? I am beginning to think it isn't. When you think of an alcoholic, you think of someone who is poor and dirty and wanders the streets with a bottle in a paper sack spouting out obscenities and slurs but I think we all know, that is not the true definition of an alcoholic. A true definition of an alcoholic is a person who cannot be normal without it. A person who no matter what they do cannot stop drinking. This is my family, my friends, my co workers my neighbors, my peers. They say alcohol is a numbing substance. A self medication. But I think it's the opposite. It is a trap you set for yourself. A rabbit hole. A beginning to no end. Yes, there is a sense of freeing the mind when you are buzzed or plastered, but there is a better sense of freedom when you have nothing to hold you back in life. Especially not alcohol. It ties you down, it weights you. I might sound harsh but I think some people need to hear what I am trying to spell out. It's not worth it. I have heard lots of people say suicide is a selfish thing to do, which I totally disagree with because it is caused by mental illness. But alcoholism is a mental illness too. And if you know you have it in your family, there is no point in starting. I don't think people are aware of how dangerous this particular drug really is. I recently heard that alcohol poisoning is third leading cause of preventable death. Preventable is the key word here. Alcoholism is a sneaky disease. Almost everyone drinks right? It's far more overlooked then any other drug. But Honestly, it is the most dangerous because of that. I beg you to please not think I am trying to criticize, because trust me, that is the last thing I want to do, all I am trying to say is be careful. Love yourself. Don't rely on drinking to make you who you are or it could become who you are. Live life to the fullest right? Love more and give your family and friends the decency of sticking around.